“All of them turned their backs on me at that time because they thought I was a troublemaker”
– Fred Korematsu – Japanese-American Civil Rights Activist
Who Said What?!
One evening during a small group meeting seven years ago, the leader asked us each to say what we would like to be remembered for. I said, “I want to be remembered for stirring things up.” I have no idea why I said that! Why would I say that?! I am a rule follower through and through. Yes, I say exactly what I am thinking most of the time but, if someone has authority over me I am not usually the one to stir the pot. That is until November 9, 2016 happened. I went to bed thrust into a world I knew would one day come, but that I was entirely unprepared to endure.
For the past 30 plus years I feel that I have been asleep in some ways. My journal blog is called Fearless Obedience because being obedient to the voice inside takes a lot of courage. Since November I have felt like there is something coming down the pike. Something that will use all the difficulty, pain, death, fear and uncertainty I have felt is for “such a time as this”.
Stop drooling, wake up!
So, what does a rule follower do after she awakens from her sleep? She engages in civil disobedience. Peaceful, civil disobedience. Why? To be obedient. Sounds like an oxymoron, right? It’s been a strange time because I have also noticed that I have allowed things to enter my life that I need to change. I have allowed them because I haven’t been fully walking in the truth of who I am. I have spent so much time praying for others. Weeping for others. Fighting for others. Caring for others and worried about how others see themselves that I have neglected myself. In trying to love well, I haven’t loved well. I feel like I spent a lot of 2016 saying, “No one listens to me!” So, maybe I just need to back away. It’s hard for me to watch people I love make poor decisions. But maybe I am being taught that you just need to back away and let people walk out their journeys. And sometimes that means detaching with love. “I love you, but I can not watch you do something that will harm you.” I think that is healthy for them and me. Because why do I need to beat my head into the wall? I can pray for you and not have to stand next to you all the while watching you roll in the mud and enable it.
My energy would better be used in places where I can make a difference. The voiceless, the marginalized and those I disagree with but that we are each in a place to listen to one another. Loving well means taking care of myself and using my energy in places where I can actually make a difference.
Where is the Love?
Loving well so far has meant that I am standing up for what is important to me and standing up for myself. 2017 will be a transitional year. I don’t know what is changing this year and where I will be in my life by December 2017, but I don’t see it looking the same as December 2016. So, here are my goals for loving well in 2017.
- Giving monetarily on a reoccurring basis to three organizations.
- Giving time to two organizations on a monthly basis.
- Setting clearer emotional boundaries
- Making sure that I make being respected a non-negotiable.
- Managing my energy and time better. (more on this to come)
- Making strides to turn my life into something I look forward to engaging in every day.
Sometimes it is imperative that you ruffle feathers. It isn’t my favorite. Not everyone will like you. Friends and those in authority over you will get angry with you. The ten year old in me who was given the Peacemaker Award in the fifth grade rails against upsetting anyone at any cost. But I have realized that I have tried to ‘keep the peace’ to my own mental and physical detriment. Why? When will we learn? When will we learn that we have to respect ourselves before anyone else will? When will we begin to care less about what people think of us? It makes me sad to think what it has taken for us to stand in the gap for those who are need us to be The Good Samaritan. The Good Samaritan helped a man who was dying in the streets who would have normally ostracized or beaten him. But just as we shouldn’t be lumped into any one group and categorized as a “them” neither should anyone else. It is our duty as people of the human race to not walk in fear and feel justified in our sense of “otherness”.
How are you going to love others well this year? How are you going to love yourself well this year? I would love to hear your answers here or on Instagram @lucyluvsdrama. How will you walk in love and not fear this week?
To The Revolution!