Look! I made a hat! Where there never was a hat, I made several people wear fascinators!
About ten years ago (or more) I stumbled upon a twitter thread that proposed the idea of an all-female Clue film remake. The list of suggestions were amazing and this sparked the idea of writing an all-female murder mystery game. In 2023 I thought my forty-second birthday would be a great time to finally write and execute this game idea, but I had never been to a murder mystery party before so in the beginning of 2024 I had to call on a couple of my people to help me figure out what to do next. My Mentor Hunter Bell kept me accountable and encouraged, while one of my my chosen big-sisters Gabra Zackman gave me a bullet list of what the game needed to have in order to work.
I wrote the initial game with its characters in a weekend. It was so much fun to come up with funny character names, outrageous scenarios and because the party’s premise was going to be the opening night of a new play, I could spoof some of my favorite play and musical titles. I titled the game “The Women Who Knew Too Much” after one of my favorite Alfred Hitchcock films and because ultimately, the women in the game knew more than people thought. Women are always underestimated.
I then continued making rewrites and creating the clues needed for the game over the next two months. It was a lot of work but an extremely cathartic way to get all of my creativity not only out on paper but up on its feet without waiting for any gatekeepers to give me the greenlight. I could fund it and execute it on my own.
Creating a weekend like this has always a dream of mine. I rented a house, which I affectionately called “The Marpleage” and filled it with a bunch of friends where we cooked and ate meals together. One of my favorite things about being in the house was hearing the women laughing together in other rooms, watching my bookworms sit on the porches reading with blankets and seeing women comfort each other through tears when they were telling personal stories to each other.
When I was in my early twenties I vowed to myself that I would work hard to enjoy my life in whichever season God had placed me in and although I haven’t enjoyed the grievous or painful ones, even in those I’ve tried to build good moments to remember. I had seen so many women constantly complain and wish they were in different seasons and then complain once they got what they said they’d wanted and that was something I didn’t want for myself. I didn’t want to constantly be wishing to be in a different season and missing the blessings that God has for me in this journey. I won’t tell you I’ve been perfect, but this vow has been a guiding light.
In 2014 when my Mom died it really unmoored me in a way I had never experienced. But through the pain of that time I realized that good things rarely just “happen”. I think for a long time I thought that was how life worked. I’m sure it is possible that it does work this way for many people, but for me I know that to have moments of happiness, fun, excitement and to have great memories I have to make them happen. And so when she passed I decided that I would do that for myself from then on.
Lately there has been a lot of talk about the “worth of women”. Men on public stages dictating what they think all women should be most excited to accomplish in life and the type of lives they believe are worthy or that God is pleased with, as if they are an absolute authority on the heart and mind of God. The only way we know anything about God and His will is through scripture and it doesn’t support the speeches I’ve been hearing. This noise has highlighted the way society has created many milestones for women to hit and when we don’t by certain ages there are many negative narratives that get hurled at us. Some people even tell us we aren’t worthy to exist if we aren’t following the antiquated traditional path laid out.
My life has never followed expectations, not even my own. I’ve always been a misfit whose wanted to ride off into the sunset on her tiny blue electric motorcycle since she was little and explore places unknown to me or many in my family. The beauty is that along the way I found a big group of people who don’t fit the prepackaged molds and we are all forging our own paths together.
Although I am a Christian, I also happen to be someone whose life has never aligned with the way the White American Church has told me my life should look. Don’t get me wrong, when I was younger I thought that eventually my life would look like everyone else’s whom I used to be surrounded by. Now, whenever I am in those circles I am so thankful for the journey God put me on and had spoken over me in my late twenties. Isaiah 54 speaks at length in support of childfree/childless women and the different ways “mothering” can look. The part that stands out to me the most and I see so many people who claim to be followers of Jesus forgetting is this, “Do not fear, for you will not be put to shame, And do not feel humiliated or ashamed, for you will not be disgraced.” – Isaiah 54: 4a
It seems there is a real fear of childfree and childless women in particular and therefore shaming and disgracing is a high priority. This is not the way of God and it heartens me to see so many people on social media and in some of my friendship circles supporting people who have chosen not to or have been unable to procreate. We are leading full, joy-filled, productive and contributory lives. And if you’re sick of hearing that, then you might want to check how you feel about your own life choices. We all should be able to speak freely and at length about the delight we find in our lives without telling someone else how to live their own or being frustrated and angry at them for expressing joy about their lives.
On June 8th, 2024 I was able to delight in a murder mystery evening that brought me great gratification to create with a bunch of women I adore. And to all the wonderful individuals in my life who weren’t there but supported this throughout, got excited for me and what I was making, cheered me on or made guest appearances by voice recordings, daily prayers or check-in phone calls, THANK YOU. I needed this creation of joy and I needed all the love and support to continue healing. Being a creative person is really difficult and can sometimes tear you down. So community support and care is essential. It takes a village to raise a Creative.
What a glorious feeling it was, that after making this joy-pact with myself so many years ago, that one of my friends gives a birthday speech at the beginning of the murder mystery evening where she tells me that I had succeeded at my goal and brought all the women in the room along on the ride. The best part is that I had never told anyone I’d made that promise to myself.
And although I don’t remember everything that my friend Gabra said, what I do remember is that she highlighted how society has told women like us that we are “worthless” because we aren’t married or don’t have children. We’ve been told that “childless cat lady” is a bad thing even though statistics show that the happiest demographic are women who have never been married. We have all managed to carve out lives that are unique and beautiful and she said that I had created space that highlights this fact. I was so honored, because I think my friends are amazing. They are the reason I wanted to write a murder mystery game instead of using a pre-packaged one. These games don’t often show the range of humanity in womanhood. We contain multitudes and instead of society always trying to push us into one trope, I wish it would celebrate the creativity of God and the variety of humanness that He has so wonderfully created. Whether society ever celebrates us, we know how to celebrate ourselves and I will continue to do so with my very last breath.
Until the next memorable event….I toast each and every one of the women in my life who have gone the traditional and especially those who have had to be forerunners in non-traditional paths. Women, may we always know too much. May we know that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. May we know that we are enough and loved by God unconditionally. May we know that we are not defined by what society may say or the boxes it tries to stuff us into. May we know that we can make a beautiful, joy-filled, prosperous, creative life full of love in any of its forms. May we always be proud of who we are and make choices that are most authentic to who God has made us to be, never shrinking back because of what a flawed world may try to put upon us.
And to all of my fellow misfit toys across gender identities, you are seen, you are worthy, you are beautifully and wonderfully made and God loves you.
Don’t let ANYONE dim your light. Raise a glass and toast yourself, your furchildren, your chosen family, your life!! MURDER DURDER!!!
Ebony Vines 